29 December 2016

Langkah 2

Kadang terasa waktu begitu cepat
Yang dimulai belum tamat

Kadang terasa itu akhir cerita
Kerna dalam diam, cuma itu yang aku minta
Seolah di situ, pengakhirannya.

28 December 2016

Langkah

Kadang langkah pincang
Tapi hati senang

Kadang langkah jelas
Tapi hati terasa lebih berkelas

Sedang tuhan lebih tahu
Tahap mana letak duduknya hati itu

26 December 2016

Kadang tanpa sedar, masih lagi berdoa untuk bahagia dia. Masih lagi berdoa untuk kedua keluarga. Masih lagi minta bahagia mereka.

Seolah yang kini tak pernah terjadi.

Tak sekelumit pun amarah, malah bila tuhan beri dia, seolah tuhan beri harapan. Cuma, dari awal sedar, harapan itu sementara. Jadi bila tuhan ambil pun, harus sedar. Semuanya sementara.

Semoga ini kekal. Rasa bahagia saat membahagiakan, rasa tenang saat melepaskan. Sebab aku juga manusia, bila bila pun boleh berubah.

Dan menjadi lebih buruk, itu ketakutanku. Karena sejak awal pun aku pendosa. Dan si pendosa ini, begitu tangguh memaksa diri untuk menjadi lebih baik.

25 December 2016

Perjuangan

Aku kagum dengan perjuangan dia.
Aku kagum dengan apa yang dia hadapi, tetap dia mampu untuk menjadi lebih baik.
Tuhan, aku selalu berharap aku mampu untuk menjadi lebih baik.
Aku selalu berharap aku mampu melangkah lebih jauh, walaupun sendiri.

Semoga tuhan selalu lindungi dia, semoga andai aku menjadi dia, aku tetap mampu tersenyum dan mensyukuri nikmatNya.

24 December 2016

DEC 2016

Maybe this is the last time, before I run again & take another step. Begin to walk on new journey. Maybe I can't even recall those faces next few years. But the memories remain in my heart.

I will make a move, and memories will be left in special place in my heart.

Aku sering lari.
Lari dari masa lalu.
Dan ini juga akan jadi masa lalu.

Bachelor of Biology (Applied Science) & Hons.

Well of course, this is me! πŸ˜‰
Another picture of me 😁

And my girlfriends πŸ˜™
Mahsuri Kebaya @by_anasri really comfort me that night. As usual, I choose to be plain & simple so that people don't notice me πŸ˜‰ but look pretty (for my eyes! πŸ‘€) and I can feel so comfortable to eat of course 😏

I wear xs size but still besar for me πŸ˜‚ few weeks before dinner I tried the kebaya and feel like ok je, but now πŸ˜ͺ nasib baik ada heels 
πŸ‘ πŸ‘ πŸ‘  takdelah jatuh terpijak kain sendiri 
πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Sent full picture to my mum and she asked, baju pinjam mana? Sebab nampak besar. πŸ˜‚

23 December 2016

What if

What if someone like you, but you don't have any feeling left?
What if sometimes you kinda pissed of because of the jokes/gossips?
What if someone try to protect you, but all you want is being independent?

Yes. People might say that being that kind of lady is ungrateful.

But little that you know, how my heart bleeds, how my past teach me to stop depend on anyone but Allah s.w.t, how my heart turn into pieces everytime I begin to trust again.

Except for Allah s.w.t discretion.

The door to my heart has closed. I can't even tell what kind of guy that I want when my friends ask me my guy type. I can't even tell the time I will open it back.

For now, what I feel is, I want to go far from here. Very far that my memories can't find me. I want to walk around the world and create new memories & experiences. And for that, only Allah s.w.t can show me the way.

May Allah ease.

22 December 2016

22 DEC 2016 My viva presentation

Alhamdulillah
Alhamdulillah
Alhamdulillah

Even when during my turn, tetiba laptop blank ada virus, but everything is just great experience for me. Nervous more to when the laptop tetiba rosak bila aku sentuh 😂😂 lepas tu ketaq bak hang 😯

Anddd my problem is, I talk like bullet train. Too fast! Well maybe adrenaline rush, (tau tak adrenaline untuk orang berdarah O is much higher than other blood type? 😎) so I'm alwayss too excited over everything 😚

Finally, it was done. So, tomorrow my pregrad dinner. Final exam, and graduate! Will miss all my friends so much! ❤

Kejap je dah habis. Rasa macam baru mula. Kejap dah dewasa. Kejap dah bertahun semuanya berlalu. Kejap je. Rasa baru semalam balik rumah jawab paper biology SPM, and I lose my home and my family. But, it has been years. Tak sangka.

Teruskan melangkah & tersenyum ❤

20 December 2016

Takut

Takut.
Aku takut dengan mereka.
Mereka yang membuat masa laluku begitu perih
Mereka yang tega melepasku hampir mati
Mereka yang membunuh rasa hatiku tanpa belas

Takut
Aku takut dengan mereka
Lalu aku melangkah pergi
Dan begitu takut untuk menoleh lagi
Seolah aku akan mati sekali lagi

Aku bebas begini
Sendiri dan bebas memilih jalan tanpa harapan selain tuhan
Melangkah tanpa rasa
Walau kadang sepi terasa

Aku mahu tenang
Bebas dari masa lalu
Bebas dari ketakutan yang dulu.

Waktu saja yang mampu buat aku punya rasa lagi
Waktu saja yang buat aku kembali
Mewarnai kamu di masa laluku.

Aku tidak marah
Aku tidak layak untuk merasa jerah
Aku cuma pergi

Melangkah
Menyepi
Mencari jalanku.
Sendiri.

17 December 2016

Mencintainya

Aku cuba sehabis baik
Perlahan-lahan menuntun hatiku kepada Dia.

Aku tak mampu jadi seperti yang dunia inginkan dalam sekelip mata.
Aku takut menjadi aku yang dulu.
Pecundang, kelam dalam perih dan amarahku.

Aku cuba sehabis baik
Melangkah setiap hari dengan iringkan hatiku padaNya

Tapi aku butuh waktu
Perlahan-lahan belajar mengenalNya
Mencintai kasih sayangNya
Mempercayai takdirNya.

Karena aku manusia biasa
Yang begitu tidak ampuh dengan dosa
Begitu sering aku lemas dengan rasa

Aku ingin jadi lebih baik
Seindah bidadari yang membahagiakan
Tapi aku juga butuh waktu
Dan itu tidak dapat aku paksakan
Dengan sekejap cuma.

13 December 2016

Aku juga kadang miliki rasa

Setiap kali.

Terasa cemburu hatiku
Bila melihat seorang ayah
Mendengar suara putrinya
Melihat matanya
Membahagiakannya
Selalu ada untuknya
Selalu memperdengarkan kerisauannya

Saat aku tak miliki semua itu.
Aku tak miliki tawa yang satu itu
Aku tak miliki kerisauan itu
Aku tak miliki keindahan itu.

Berkali-kali
Aku menidakkan rasa hati
Aku miliki tuhan
Aku miliki kasih Dia yang tidak dapat aku gambarkan indahnya

Tapi aku juga manusia
Kadang tersungkur
Begitu tamak dengan kehendakku.
Begitu tidak cukup dengan rasaku

Tuhan,
Maafkan aku.
Anugerah yang tidak berkurang itu
Justeru begitu banyak
Cuma kadang
Rasaku membunuh jiwa
Yang terasa perih ini.

Feel like sharing πŸ™‚

Since now is hectic week. The whole week full with tests and quizzes πŸ˜‚ all Assignments need to be submitted by this week plus our thesis & presentation slide. Omg πŸ˜“

But please stay calm because it's going to end soon! ❤

Here, something to ponder...

Abu Hurairah, dia berkata: Rasulullah Saw bersabda: Allah berfirman:
“Aku menurut sangkaan hamba-Ku kepada-Ku. Aku bersamanya apabila dia mengingat-Ku. Jika dia mengingati-Ku dalam dirinya, maka Aku mengingatinya dalam diri-Ku. Jika dia mengingati-Ku dalam suatu kelompok, Aku mengingatinya dalam kelompok yang lebih baik dari kelompok mereka. Jika dia mendekati-Ku satu jengkal, maka Aku mendekatinya satu hasta. Jika dia mendekati-Ku satu hasta, maka Aku mendekatinya satu lengan. Jika dia datang kepada-Ku dengan berjalan, maka Aku datang kepadanya dengan berlari”

12 December 2016

Nour

Aku lihat satu cahaya
Dan aku kejar cahaya itu

Semakin jauh
Semakin samar
Dan akhirnya pintu itu tertutup
Tanpa sempat aku tiba ke penghujungnya

Tersungkur
Terlantung

Tanpa sadar aku jatuh
Jatuh di kelopak mawar yang harum baunya

Rupanya
Saat aku mengejar cahaya itu
Begitu debunga mekar dan aku tidak tahu
Begitu harum baunya dan tidak aku peduli

Saat cahaya itu hilang
Deriaku mencium harum bunganya
Deriaku merasa lembut kelopaknya

Dan aku kembali belajar mencintai suatu yang baru
Yang ada tapi tidak terlihat
Yang indah tapi tidak jelas

Karena cuma aku yang mampu memilih
Bahagia mana yang membahagiakan.

Bismillah. "If one door happiness closes, the second one will be opened by Allah. But we can't see the opened door because because we keep crying infront of the closed one". Doors may close, but there are always, other, unlimited number of doors – new opportunities. The world is full of opportunities, if we could only see them.

11 December 2016

Cara ubati sihir

Assalamualaikum.

السحر.
I've been fight with it for years since I was 16. First time treat it at my 17 years old. It was hard. Sampai rasa macam nak mati, ambil lah jasad ini. Aku tak mahu. Gitu. Cakap la ubat macam mana, jumpa ustaz sana sini, mandi ais, mandi limau, dan lelain, and lastly rotan. Idk what kind of kayu the ustaz used, kalau ikut dia rotan sikit je, but it hurts A LOT dan 2 minggu jugak la tidur menyiarap. That was last treatment until I think I had enough. I'm so tired with it.

Long story short, it was السحر that been sent for my family. And ustazah said, I'm the shield, so whatever 'thing' that been sent to our family, I'm the one need to face it first. At that time, I was 17 years old. Masya Allah, I feel like dying.

Lepas last treatment yang buat aku taknak lagi buat rawatan sihir (rawatan islam) aku beli buku rawatan sihir. I bought lots of books about السحر because I want to get to know about it, how to treat it, how to avoid it etc.

Subhanallah. I can't tell you how sampai hati orang yang buat semua ni. Until now, dia masih lagi tak lepaskan kami, dan aku masih lagi 'berperang'. Everytime I feel like macam ada benda tak kena, I will ask if my mom okay or not. Sebab bila tak sihat, my mom akan sakit juga.

After I read the books, cara rawat sihir terbaik adalah diri sendiri. Ustaz/ustazah cuma 20-30% saja yang membantu. But if we, ourselves don't want to fight with it, nothing will happen. Kita akan tetap sakit dan sakit.

First, selalu dengar Ruqyah & other surah. Kalau tak sihat pasang sampai tertidur. Hehari dengar lagi bagus. It will make us calm too.

Then, solat awal waktu. Jangan tinggal solat. Sebab solat tu la yang lindung hati kita dari jadi lemah. Roh kita supaya kuat dan tak mudah tunduk dengan syaitan & jin.

Selalu buat air yassin, niat untuk rawat penyakit dan apa-apa lagi niat yang baik. In syaa Allah, Yang maha berkuasa tu kan Allah?

Ayatul kursi. Selalu baca, jadikan amalan bila-bila masa pun. Especially Lepas solat & setiap kali keluar rumah.

Mengaji. At least once a day. Sebab I read somewhere, suara-suara kita,bila baca Qur'an akan jadi pengubat untuk diri kita. Masya Allah, how lovely it is?

Bila buat semua ni, percaya Allah s.w.t tu lebih besar dari segalanya. Minta Allah lindung. Minta Allah jauhkan. Memang rasa macam, mudah, minta je.

Dekatkan diri dengan Dia. Selalu lah bercakap, meminta, ingat. Sebab bila kita 'hilang' sikit, syaitan & jin tu lebih mudah nak ganggu.

I think, it has been 4 years since last time I did rawatan islam. Lama-lama Masya Allah penat. Sebab setiap kali rawat memang letih dia tuhan yang tahu. Macam we're fight with ourselves.

Ada ustaz/ustazah tanya, nak hantar semula/ tidak sihir ni. As for us, we didn't do the same. Sebab kami rasa sakitnya, perihnya. Dan kalau pulang semula, sama je antara kami dan dia. Biarlah Allah s.w.t yang menghakimi.

This is part of my life. One of the reason why I'm so secretive about my life. I'm fighting. So hard. Kadang rasa nak mengalah, tapi entah dari mana, tuhan kirimkan kekuatan, untuk masih bertahan. At least, everyday when I woke up, I will thank to Allah, let me know Him better and for every next day I fight, I know Allah s.w.t will give His reward. Just be patient. 

May Allah bless ❤

09 December 2016

Memories diminished

All this while, I'm asking Allah s.w.t about forgetting my past. So that I can forget how hard it is struggling with an ache heart. I want to forget people whom hurts me so that I can feel free & happy. I want to be free from my old life, from anger & revenge. I want to create the new me and amazingly, I think Allah s.w.t accept the do'as.

Couple weeks ago, there are so many fb posts about "do you remember your form 5 friends/next to you/etc.." and I try to remember. I can't even recall the moments. I can't remember their faces. I can't even remember their name. Mungkin yang rapat tu, yes. Masih kenal. But amazingly, I can't even remember my classmates. (Which means there will be no high school class gathering  for meπŸ’)

And I don't even want to dig the past. Let it fly, far away from me. Because I want to be new. For every last day I can count.

07 December 2016

Hilang

Aku menjauh
Namun Dia tak pernah pergi

Menuntunku kembali padanya
Dengan lemah lembut memimpinku dengan kuasanya

Membuka mata hatiku
Menerima keesaannya

Dia menerimaku
Saat aku hancur lebur tanpa rasa

Dia menggamitku
Saat aku terjelepok tanpa suara

Dia menenangkanku
Saat aku merasa lelah tak mampu membuka mata

Dia bersamaku
Saat aku berhenti mencintainya

Dan perlahan-lahan Dia membawaku
Mengenali keagungannya
Mencintai keredhaannya
Mengharapkan kelembutannya

Dia menerimaku
Saat aku memang tak punya apa
Saat aku rapuh
Saat aku hancur

Sampai aku tak mampu menjauh lagi
Kerna tak pernah aku temukan tenangnya selain saat hatiku berbicara kepadanya

Walau cinta dalam hatiku begitu rapuh dan lemah rasanya
Tetap Dia menerimaku tanpa buatku rasa kurang atas kasih sayangnya.

28 November 2016

Bilang

Berkali-kali aku bilang
Aku cuma menumpang
Menumpang sedikit sisa kasih sayang.

Aku penumpang
Sadarkan diri supaya tak terlalu tenggelam.

Takut.
Aku bukan siapa-siapa
Aku ingin pergi
Menjauh
Supaya tak lagi aku berhutang

Aku ingin berdiri pada diri sendiri
Mencari harga diri
Supaya tak lagi aku terasa lemas sendiri
Mencari rialiti diri sendiri.

Tuhan
Aku tahu kau tahu
Betapa perih rasa tersisih
Terbuang
Tenggelam dalam ruang

Semoga aku bisa pergi
Menjauh
Melangkah
Membina hidupku sendiri

Dan saat itu aku tak perlu lagi takut
Atau merasa gerah dalam hidup.


26 November 2016

Marriage

Today I went to a wedding. Frankly speak, deep inside my heart, I don't really like wedding. I love it, from afar. I love to see happy faces etc. But for me to be in crowd of the wedding, πŸ˜₯πŸ˜₯πŸ˜₯

And to imagine that I'm the bride is a nightmare. Yes, I'm 22 (soon to be 23) I don't have anyone when my friends already had their sayang bee you me us but me, I don't even care because I enjoy with this kind of life.

Yeah sometimes I feel lonely, but then to build some trust for someone to take care of me, is too cheesy. I don't hv that trust since I don't grow with any man that I can trust. I feel awkward when having any other men as family (like new pakciks of my aunts or else) omg it's so awkward. There are some unwanted feelings that I can't name what it is.

I always afraid that if I don't hv any desire to get married. I wish I can forget my past. The painful one. Which even when I try to forgive, I still have that pain.

Ya Rabb, forgive me. To be that kind of human. It's so hard for me to forget. Like roll of movies replay in my mind. ☹

21 November 2016

Of Final Year Project & you

Assalamualaikum ❤

Well, my final year project was finished and currently focus for thesis & viva preparation (Focus eh? 🙈 Hopefully.)

Ok. Final year & final semester is the most scariest part in Bachelor degree. (Takut tak? 😎) you need to focus on studies but yeah doing the fyp as well. As for me, I tarik lot of subjects when the final year begin. I took 8 papers! All killer papers. Exceed credit hour lagi 😖 So final sem I only take 5 papers with 2 killer papers, when my clans need to go to next class, I'm going back home to clean my room 😎

How I begin my fyp? I advice you to start it earlier than your friends. Kenapa? Because you can pick the best lab equipment, semua la boleh the best! Sebab orang tak ramai. Anddd you can prepare for any consequences if anything happen. Kalau project tak jadi ke, boleh repeat etc. As my lecturer said, do things that people don't do. Dare to be different from others!

For my fyp, I really can't repeat it for so many times. Sebab it costs lots of money! My project, per 5 ampule kecik je RM100+ and I have 3 samples with 3 replicate! So I need to do it at my best. 😅

At first, I wish that there will be no contamination in my projects and Alhamdulillah for 200 plate streaking & diluting, no contam.

Sebelum mula project tu memang doa bebanyakkk everytime begin the experiment baca memacam doa so that Allah s.w.t ease my work 🤓 you can't predict ok what will happen.

Tipu la everything went well as I wish! Kena la ada dugaan sikit kan baru thrill. So dugaan I, agar habis & I need to really manage it well. Guna cukup-cukup je. Sampai sekali tu memang tak cukup. Idk what to do sampai memang tak mampu dah nak senyum 🙁 tapi entah dari mana, kekuatan, few days pastu I mintak pada Allah s.w.t sebab memang jalan dah buntu taktau nak buat mcm mana sebab agar costs about RM700++! Mana nak cari duit 💸

I pray, minta pada Allah s.w.t tunjukkan jalan, pastu tunggu Allah nak bagi jalan yang mana. Redha. Masa tu project terbengkalai. Few days after, I try to ask the lab assistant  (before this dah tanya but he said takde 😂) tapi try lagi sekali tetiba budget untuk barang lab yang takde before this tetiba ada, and I got new agar! Yang dalam seal lagi tak bukak!  How happyyy I am sampai terlompat. 💃

Conclusion kat sini, when you want to begin anything in your life, tell Allah s.w.t ask Him to make it easy, thank Him as well. 😘

XOXO, L 💋

19 November 2016

Soon ❤

Ever since when I was 19 years old, I want to be there. Makkah al-Muqarramah & Madina al-Munawwarah. It's begin when I started to find Allah after lost for nearly 2 years. I'm arguing with myself, asking why He took everything so sudden? Why life is so hard yet He kept me alive. Masya Allah, so ungrateful servant I am at that time 😭. 

I went to the mosque. Try to find the serenity in my life. Crying over so many things. Feel like a corpse without any desire to live anymore. Until one day, when I fall asleep after tired of crying in the mosque, I got a dream. Dream of me, seeing the qa'ba from afar. πŸ•‹

Day by day, I want to go there, I'm curious about the dream. How serene is that place? But how can I go there? I begin to find myself. I want that serenity. I start to learn how to get to know Him from scratch.

Until after I went to the University, I begin to save some of my Yayasan scholar to go there.

And right now, He shows me the way to go there right after I graduated. (I can't wait to be there ❤)

If people ask me what I want to do after graduated, I will say that I don't know. Some of my friends wanna get married, having short holiday, working, futher studies, as for me the only thing I want to do after this is to be in Makkah, sujood in front of Ka'ba. Thank Him for everything. For give me another chance.  For not taking my life when I was 'died' years ago.

3 months to go. May He bless this journey. The one and only dream for now.🌈

I miss this place even more these days. πŸ˜”

The best in you

You know what is the best thing that I got after so many turbulence in my heart? It's Him. I realise that to feel so calm at the end of the day, to feel so happy even when I lose everything, I need Him.

Untuk berubah menjadi yang lebih baik, tak mudah. I swear, it's hard. Especially when we are woman, hati terlalu rapuh, kadang-kadang sendiri tak tahu apa diri sendiri nak. Kadang terpaksa bilamana keadaan sekeliling memaksa. As a woman, when we were forced to be someone new, we will change. But when we're tired to fulfill other people's desire, (even when it's for our own goodness) we will change back to our old self, but it gonna be worse than before.

Memberontak. Hati dah tepu dengan kehendak manusia lain, dan end up, hati kata, I just want to be myself. I don't care anymore what people think of me.

Pernah dengar, perempuan ni ibarat tulang rusuk yang bengkok tu. Dia akan tetap bengkok, tapi kalau ada tekanan yg kuat menolak, dia akan patah. 😿 At the moment they don't even care anymore, it's the moment they were broke.

I've been in that place, when you want to be someone that can satisfy other people. To be good in their eyes. But at the end, I just can't. Because there're no such things that can satisfy them. There must be something they want us to change. And I end up, losing myself.

Until finally, I run. Run away from their life. I kick them out of my life. I don't want to remember anything about them, being close with them, tell people about my family, exposing my real life to the surrounding. I run, far away from their life.

Then, I try to find the real me. The heart that I throw so far to just meet other people desire.

To be me, to say no when I don't want to do something, be someone that is so content with what she wants. Do things that makes me happy. Until, my own self slowly want to change to be better than I used to be. To love Him and get to know His love better. To be so happy when I can talk to myself just like when I was 5th years old kid, when I was the only daughter in my family. I'm happy, when I meet Him. At the moment I realise that His love is so serene and I feel so comfortable with this kind of Him-self love. 

Berubah, luaran memang mudah. Show people what they to look in their eyes. As a woman, wearing the Islami clothes, wear robe and huge scarfs. Cover your modesty. Nevertheless, it's not only what you want to show at the outside. It's in your heart. Are you that sincere with what you do? What your heart says? Is that make you treat other people better? Or you think you're good enough until you can't see other people goodness. And you being so arrogant with everything that you show from the outside.

Ladies, to be better woman, to be someone new, It's not easy. But it's not so hard. Know what your heart wants, love yourself, pray, that Allah s.w.t show you the way, and slowly, take step-by-step to be better. Until you get used with that things, and you feel so uneasy when you need to leave that things.

For me, I love to talk with myself, and at the same time I'm talking to Him. Like He's so near. When I have something that I want to ask or I don't understand why is it happen to me (Since I was kid, I have curiosity about so many things. Until my parents can't answer me anymore πŸ˜‚) , I open His book, tafseer, ask, and play with my intuition, open the page I feel like I want to read, and He will give me His words

Till then, L πŸ’‹


13 November 2016

Ready?

He is so sweet.

The moment I fell in love with him is the best moment I ever feel. I grown up with that love. He mesmerised me with the qualities inside him that I can't find even when I met thousand guys. He managed to trigger that feelings of love and prosperity inside me. I became so ambitious everytime I think of that love.

Unfortunately, I don't have any strength to tell him. It just some feeling that make me wake up everyday to be better lady until one day he can see me, love me, just like I did.

But then, as I make a good plan, Allah s.w.t has better plan for me. He knows that I will never love myself when I'm with him. I'm too eager to be someone that he can love, instead of just love myself and let he love me as who I am.

After 7 years, Allah s.w.t let me hold that love, shower that love with so many doas. He took that from me. I accept his wedding invitation with his own choice. What'd I feel? Of course it's hurt. Like my heart was sliced & chopped  (kalau chicken chop sedap jugak 😥)

But after few days, I sat on my knees, pray, turn to Him, asked for His strength, so that I can smile again. My smile also, feel so bitter you know... 🤐

Now I know. He didn't took him just to bring me down. He knows, that if he let me be by myself all this while, I can't be THIS strong, positive & ambitious. I can't dream anymore. So, He lend me this love so that I can feel that I still have another dream to carry on. I can be better than who am I before. But when Allah s.w.t know that I'm already strong to walk by my own, He took him so that this guy, can shine other lady's life. That need him, more than me.

At first, I think I'm not ready for this. I'm not ready to walk this life all alone. No dream of someone that can accompany me, no dream of someone that can make my heart palpitate out of nowhere, no love that can shine my smile. But then, I realised, all this while, this love that He sent, bring me to Him. I get to know Allah s.w.t trough this love. I start to love Allah s.w.t when I feel this warm feeling.

Since Allah already prepared His love for me, how come I can fall again like before? I still have His love, His promises. So I turn to Him.

It is hard, but I decided to go to his wedding. I thanked to Allah s.w.t for my 7 years of loving him. I thanked to Allah s.w.t that he finally found someone that can take care of him and his family, better than me.

This is not easy, I swear. But Allah has granted me with so many blessings. I can't turn back, because Allah's love is more than everything in this life. I trust that Allah has created someone that also struggle so hard to be near to HIM. ❤

Weight to bear

People asking me, why you lose so much weight? Why you're getting smaller when everyone is getting bigger?

Some pain, it's just to hard to bear. It's hard to change the pain into happiness. But when I force myself to be happy, my inner strength can't really cope because when I'm all alone, talking with my Lord, I know that I'm not that strong. I'm weak. Dunya is too hard. But yeah, I still want to appreciate every moment so that I didn't regret when it passed.

I know that Allah tested me with something that I can bear. How hard it is. But for every hardbreak, when I passed it, I feel like, I want to be someone else. I want to look different so that people can't recognize me and remind me about my past. 


I want to create 'better me' in people's eyes. I want to be someone new than 'the old me'. I don't care how hard it is to damp down my heartbreak moments. I want to look different. 

So, here I am. Losing my weight from 66kgs to 47kgs (1 month ago. Idk I'm losing how many kgs for this few weeks) Until I can't buy any 'free size' attire anymore. It became so big for me πŸ€”

Fyi, I've been granted by Allah s.w.t to be someone that can't recognize people's face if I didn't meet them for such a long time or when I met them for only few times. I just can't remember faces. So, it's easy for me to move on another step in my life. ( Please don't judge me if you meet me out there, and I can't even remember your face. I just can't πŸ™.  But I remember moments. If you recall my memories, I still can remember that πŸ€—. So tegur je, maybe I tak cam muka. But memories, will never fade. In syaa Allah)

Few weeks ago, I went to the court, and my relatives also can't remember my face as I'm losing so much weight. You know what? I feel happy! Because I just, don't want to remember how hard it is the moment I need to survive all alone, and they're just leave me like I'm no one to them. Yes. I walked away from their life, and create my own new life. 🌈

Know what? Sometimes you just need to make a move and leave people that don't appreciate your presence. Create your own future. Make new clans. Who can still 'see' you when you don't have anything to be proud of.

Don't worry. I'm losing my weight with the right diet & healthy lifestyle. I want to value myself, why should I touture the body that Allah gave to me? I just want to do something that can make me happy. πŸ’–

10 November 2016

Awan

Dia di atas awan
Aku melata di bumi
Mengagumi mencintai

Selalu kutenung awan itu
Menggapai tak tercapai
Terlalu jauh sampai aku terkapai-kapai

Sampai awan itu berarak pergi
Memayungi bumi yang lain
Buat aku ditimpa hujan.

Tapi tak mengapa
Hujan itu rahmat
Pasti datangnya pelangi

Berwarna warni
Membiaskan cahaya semi
Buat aku mampu tersenyum sendiri.

15 October 2016

Itu sebuah kehidupan

Entah. Should I tell or not?
Dah begitu lama aku simpan. Bertahun-tahun pergi ibarat mati dari semua. Aku berhenti berharap dan melangkah pergi. Aku simpan sendiri.

Begitu tega, membuat kami hampir mati. Tak tergapai akal bilamana aku sendiri bertarung nyawa. Begitu perih, sampai tak tergali luka yg lama tu.

Sampai kini, aku masih berlari. Lari dari dunia rialiti, membina hidup baru yg aku sendiri tak tahu ujungnya apa. Berhati-hati dengan siapa pun. Bilanglah aku penakut. Takut dengan bayang masa lalu.

Tapi cuma aku yg tahu rasanya perih, rasanya bertarung nyawa yg buat aku hampir mengalah pada hidup. Mereka mahu bahagia kami. Ambillah, aku tak mahu. Aku rela lepaskan semua.

Tapi nyata mereka tak pernah puas, dan mereka masih mencari. Sampai kadang aku sendiri terfikir, tak lelahkah mereka membenci? Sedang kami tak pernah membalas. Memang begitukah resam hidup mereka? Begitu cemburu.

Kalau saja mereka tahu rasanya hampir kehilangan nafas. Kalaulah mereka tahu begitu aku lelah untuk selalu berhati-hati. Kalau saja mereka tahu, rasa saat terfikir waktu yg diberi tuhan hampir berakhir.

Kadang aku berharap, tuhan lupakan aku dengan masa lalu. Masa lalu dimana aku bertarung nyawa, masa lalu dimana aku tak mampu mengangkat tubuh, masa bilamana hidup terlalu perih, my friends read yaasin for me so that Allah ease my burdens when it's hard for me even to take a single breath. Masa bilamana aku biarkan semuanya pergi, aku sendiri tak mahu bahagia, kalau itu begitu menyakitkan.

Teganya hati yg membenci itu.

Tak henti masa lalu aku hampir hilang diri sendiri terputar setiap kali mata ini terpejam. Terasa 6 tahun tak begitu lama untuk padam semuanya.

Bilamana aku cuba mahu keluar dari diam, aku sudah punya bahagia sendiri, kami sudah mampu ketawa tanpa menggali masa lalu, mereka mencari lagi. Tanpa lelah cuba memadam setiap senyuman kami.

Aku selalu tertanya-tanya. Sudah terpadamkah kemanusiaan di hati mereka? Sudah hitamkah hati mereka dengan cemburu? Tak jemukah mereka secara halus cuba membunuh kami? Tidak takutkah mereka pada tuhan? Tak lelahkah mereka mengambil tahu hidup kami?

Kami tak punya apa, aku tak punya apa. Cuma punya belas kasihan tuhan. Aku terus melangkah dengan ihsan tuhan. Sedang aku masih lagi tak tahu ke mana langkah ini pergi nanti. Aku redha, andai tidak punya bahagia. Bilamana, bahagia tu menyiram api benci pada manusia lain. 

Aku tetap percaya, doa yg teraniaya itu tak pernah terlepas dari pandanganNya. Malah itu cukup membuat aku merasa syukur. Sebab aku boleh minta apa saja. Dan Dia selalu mendengar. Itu definisi bahagia aku. Aku tak perlu begitu banyak perkara, bilamana aku belajar perihnya hidup andai aku punya definisi bahagia yg sama seperti manusia biasa yg lain.

Harta aku kini, cuma doa. Tapi aku merasa cukup.

Aku selalu lelah untuk hidup. Tapi, bila setiap hari aku bangun untuk terus berjuang, aku percaya, tuhan tak pernah salah memberi. Oleh itu, aku tersenyum lagi. 😇

30 August 2016

How I create my happiness

Happiness.

There are so many ways to create happiness that make us satisfied with ourselves. Ada yang bila dia nak bahagia, dia cari someone yg boleh beri dia bahagia. Ada juga bahagia bila dia dapat apa yang dia nak. Ada bahagia bila bersama dengan orang yang tersayang. 😍

As for me, I create my happiness by make other people happy. When they're happy with me, when I can make them smile, when I can give them something that can make them happy..then I will be the happiest person on earth! 😇 Entah. Hilang apak bila dia kata dia nak cari bahagia dia sendiri buat aku sedar. Memiliki itu bukan bahagia. Bahagia sebenar bila memberi. 😊 sebab itu aku pergi bila apak kata mahu cari bahagia. Aku bukakan pintu itu untuk dia.

That's how I define happiness. 👸

Maybe because the meaning of my name, ketinggian kebahagiaan. Allah s.w.t hadirkan aku untuk memberi seberapa banyak bahagia pada manusia sekeliling. Kalaupun terluka, aku harus tetap memberi. Sebab aku percaya tuhan akan kira setiap pemberian itu disisiNya. Well I'm not really a generous person. 🙊 Still a beginner and so many things to learn.

And this. To give something you owned to other people is not easy. Ada yang kata kalau roh tidak lagi di jasad, kesian pada jasad kita yang tak sempurna. Kesian pada jasad yg merasa sakit. But I really want to do this. Jujur, aku takut kalau-kalau jasad merasa sakit. Tapi aku mahu andai aku tiada, aku tetap boleh beri bahagia. To donate my blood, I afraid I can't  (never try. See? I'm not really a generous person 😔) so maybe I can try this even I don't know how long I can live. How many times left.

But I wish someday when I can share a little of 'me' with other people, I can create other happiness in their brand new life 💖

29 July 2016

Such a long friday

Yesterday I went to Seremban to register for my Umrah and pay for the fees. Alhamdulillah I got mahram and no need to get married!! (See how excited I am?! wakaka) I got migraine since wednesday, but gagahkan jugak drive JB-Seremban.

Lepas tu gigih jugak beraya makan memacam. Idk whether my stomach or my body, they can't accept what I ate yesterday. Maybe sebab dah lama tak makan banyak, malam nak drive semula tu, segala macam makanan dari pagi ke petang tu semua keluaq. And I end up melepek tidoq sepanjang jalan. 

I met tok Uncle yesterday, and he's asking me to think again about pursuing my Master since nowadays the employer tend to choose low qualification worker due to reduce the fees for their company. and the master/phd usually is for naik pangkat je. Except if I want to work in academic lane. But as for me....I can't teach. I really can't because at the end I even can't understand my own theory LOL. Hm I've stop planning since years. Since I can't get into medicine lane because of my family problem. Plus at that time no one can take care of mama and adik-adik except me. Only Allah know how I can't stop crying & How I hope Apak is there with me dan buat aku sakit 2 kali ganda sebab apak broke his promises to take care of us & to always stay with me. Since that, I've stop doing my annual planning. I just follow and put my 100%  trust with Allah's plan. I feel more happy with that and I realized that life is what I do for the hereafter. How afraid I am to take another step, I just need to trust HIM. As long as my heart is with HIM, I am safe. 



27 July 2016

Si pemimpi


Tak mudah untuk aku jadikan mimpi ini rialiti, bila mimpi lalu aku musnah sekelip mata. Ya. Aku pernah bermimpi dan berdoa untuk suatu perkara yang aku rasa baik untuk aku, tapi dalam sekejapan cuma, Allah ambil mimpi itu. Allah tutup semua jalan untuk aku mengejar mimpi itu. Membuat aku jatuh ke ruang yang dalam, membuat hati hancur lebur dan mematikan segenap harapan.

Selepas bertahun, aku kembali mengait mimpi yang lain. Tapi, aku selalu letakkan supaya DIA yang menjaga mimpi aku kali ini. Aku jadi lebih berhati-hati dalam mengorak langkah untuk mengejar mimpi kali ini. Macam puzzle, boleh tarik semula kalau puzzle tu salah, dan berfikir panjang untuk memilih puzzle yang betul dan mewujudkan gambar yang indah.

Dan hampir separuh dari permulaan langkah 3 tahun lepas. Tuhan malah memberi aku "hint" untuk beberapa langkah lagi. Malah begitu banyak hadiah yang dia beri. mungkin dia tahu, aku tak sekuat mana. Mungkin DIA tahu aku begitu takut untuk memulakan langkah. Setiap saat, setiap detik, aku takut. Aku takut kalau aku gambar yang hampir siap ini, dipijak lagi dan musnah begitu saja.

Alhamdulillah, terima kasih kerna ajar aku cara baru untuk bermimpi dalam dunia rialiti. Terima kasih sebab tak pernah biarkan aku sendiri. Terima kasih kerana mendengar setiap kata hati aku. Terima kasih kerana tak melepaskan aku saat hati ini hampir mati.

Tak mudah, tahu? menghidupkan kembali hati yang mati.

Dulu aku fikir aku sendiri. Aku tak seperti gadis-gadis lain. Aku sendiri, aku lah pejuang keluarga, akulah penyelamat, akulah ibu, akulah ayah. Tapi, DIA selalu saja ingatkan aku, aku tak pernah sendiri. Walau satu saat pun.


26 July 2016

Post diet problem

Dulu, masa aku rasa berat makin naik sebab ayah suka bagi makan malam-malam, aku mula lah nak diet. Dan biasanya diet tu kelaut je sebab setiap kali ayah bagi makan, and his cooking skills takyah cakap la, ayam masak merah, lempeng kelapa, nasi kerabu, mee bandung, nasi briyani, nasi tomato, cakap je aku nak makan ape. Nanti tetiba dia akan panggil, "Aleah, ni ayah teringin makan ni, ayah masak banyak pulak" dan semestinya makanan itu untuk aku sebab ayah duduk sorang je kat matrik ni. Mak kat Johor jaga Ayuni dan Anis. Jadi berat dari 40kg terus pam nak meletup jadi 65kg uols! I iz sedih tapi happy jugak sebab makan sedap-sedap! Semakin lama aku rasa macam baju makin ketat & since aku memang bawak baju yang penting je keluar dari rumah lama dulu, aku kena diet kalau tak mana nak cari duit beli baju?

Ok dan habis matrik, tak jumpa ayah lagi, so aku pun mulakan misi diet sihat. Aku tak boleh diet atkin (even orang kata berat senang turun) sebab aku perlukan carbo. Kalau takde carbo sehari rasa macam tak makan setahun. Exaggerate sangat Zzzz. 

Alasan mula-mula aku diet, baju semua ketat dan taknak beli baju baru. Kuno sangat reason kan. Hoho! Tapi sekarang bila hidup dah stable sikit, keluar pulak alasan baru, em baju sedia ada dah makin besar, mungkin sebab aku dah terlebih diet. Jadi kena cari baju baru jugak. Nampak tak permainan kat situ? niat asal memang lari dah! sama je lastly aku kena cari baju baru hahahahaahaha. Girls will always be girls. Baju dah nak tinggi KLCC dalam almari pun, masih keluar ayat yang sama,

"Hem nak pakai baju apa? Baju takde la"
"Baju ni bosan rasa dah pakai 80 kali"
"Baju ni nampak gemuk"
"Baju ni nampak pendek"
"Baju ni terang sangat"

*Cakap je la nak beli baju baru ape susah LOL* 



Just sharing idk it is true or not, sebab kalau ikut sini aku dah tergolong dalam golongan underweight tapi kalau ikut BMI masih berkadar normal (Dari few years ago overweight! Underweight salah, overweight salah, pompuan sangat hehe) I'm 152cm tall but my weight is less than 52 LOL. Erm tinggi tu dediam sikit eh ;p

XO

12 July 2016

Beginning


I read somewhere, said that not to disclose your plan to the others. But, for this....I need to post it here so that I can count the moments. The moment I begin to make my own dream to be reality. (I just post it here! not in other social media ; fb/ig since I don't know who is the one always spend your time to read this blog. As far I know..I didn't tell my family members about this blog. So, I think it is okay for me to keep the memories? Hehe)

It is not easy from the first time I make some decision & work hard for it. From just a dream, make me eager to catch the dream, and the long journey I need to face, may be the best moments happened in my life. Why I really want to go there? Masya Allah, I really don't know. Yeah, there are so many things that I don't understand (for now) happened in my life. So many things to be questioned that might be make me want to try get to know HIM and eventually I fell in love with HIM. I might be far from a good servant for HIM, but Alhamdulillah, HIS blessings always make me feel like I need to be better everyday. Every hardship make me depend on HIM a lot. So, this might be one way for me to thank HIM, May Allah ease and bless my effort from the beginning until I end this journey.


such a long time I didn't mention about being there. Focusing my final year (In syaa Allah begin my final semester soon!) still busy for another 4 months, May Allah ease =)

Obiviously

Relieved. 

Obviously I am not ready for the big thing to happen in my life. I am still with so many perceptions about relationship, no matter how sometimes, when I see the sweetness of couples or marriages, I want to feel it too. But, maybe....I still need some time to live my own life, to achieve my own dreams, and create wonderful colors of my own world. 

Maybe....I still need to study a lot of being a good wife, on how to agree with my husband's thought w/o arguing, I still need to learn how to be an obedient young lady, not to be selfish and on preparing his needs. Obviously marriage is not only from one person's preparation into 'make it two'. It is more than that! (Or me that always overthinking of it? idk) 

Seeing other people's marriages on instagram/fb is not a reason for me to build one. Of course they won't share the moment they're arguing on how to give and take in marriage's life. How to share food portions, argue about what kind of tv shows they want to watch and when the husband cheats in doing house chores. (Now I think, I really overthinking of it Zzzz) 

So when I don't need to get married just because I really want to go to Tanah Haram, I just feel so grateful. Now I can smile after one day been so stressed out until I got migraine again just because I think the end of my life when I need to get married. It's not because I don't want to get married, it's not the time yet. I just...feel like that. 

Obviously, when I easily burnt out (getting migraine) of just think about this silly thing (Yeah, who else afraid to get married other than me in my clans? It is just me.) how can I begin the next phase of my life, prepare food, doing house chores, prepare clothes for two/three/four other than mine? (Alasan bcs all this while I am the one that preparing everything for my family members. From house chores (If not why everyone else called me bibik from Uni? But I don't care bcs I really enjoy doing house chores!), ironing clothes, packing for holiday etc. 

But, maybe, I really not ready yet.
Except, if the one and only tu, can accept my weakness that I can be a hulk when I got migraine. And right now, the Mr. migraine is one of my best accompany LOL 




11 July 2016

Mahram

Nah! Right now, I'm searching for affordable and reasonable price for Umrah. I got tajaan Umrah which Alhamdulillah worth with half price from the actual price. But I don't have mahram =( since I apply for February and it's not a school holiday! so my uncles can't accompany me.

When I tell the Ustaz, he told me to

 "Kawin cepat!"

 and when I said

"Takde calon" 

 he said,

 "Ustaz ada kalau nak"

As simple as that? Get married just because I need mahram for my Umrah? Dramatic enough? I think my life is full of dramas. Hm still searching for mahram that willing to do Umrah with me. I wish not until I need to get married, at least this fast! or He willingly let me to achieve my dreams. Last call this August and the sit is limited! May Allah guide me toward HIS path. May Allah ease.


My pickup line be like.....
"Will you be my mahram and accompany me this February?"

Soulmate, please don't wandering too long because I need you.
XO

12 June 2016

How to overcome skin breakouts?

Nak raya selalu jadi skin breakouts sebab konon-konon nak flawless macam-macam try tapi end up jadi lagi teruk. Sape camni, bertabah lah T__T

Aku, haritu sebab nak try masukkan satu serum ni dalam my online business. Ig --> @ailybeauty sebab aku sejenis manusia yang kalau nak jual something, aku kena percaya sendiri dengan benda tu. Sebabnya, aku mungkin tak keturun darah meniaga Mama, sebab aku tak berapa nak suka berniaga lagi-lagi benda yang aku tak tahu. So, aku pon cuba la satu serum ni.

Sebelum ni pernah breakout jugak sebab makan seafood terlampau banyak konon-konon biasanya takde effect pon! But yeah.... Pegi kelas pakai face mask uols! Sebab muka rashes merah-merah lepas tu bila kering dia jadi coklat, and it takes time to heal too! masa tu aku sem 3. Dah la kena buat event macam-macam. Low esteem sangat. Nasib baik masa tu haze, so konon-konon pakai mask sebab haze Luls.

Masa tu aku jumpa Moraessential. Gerak hati suruh cuba je, sebab dia natural. So aku try and it's more than better! Lepas pakai terus hilang pedih, (even kulit parut lambat nak hilang sebab Argan Oil Mora ni natural, and it's work slowly on my skin, just nice for me (or even I can say Incredibly nice? Hehe). Sebab hilang pedih) Lepas tu aku decide nak mula business. Sebab aku rasa nak share MORA.

Lepas dah ok dengan MORA, aku try la the other serum konon nak masuk dalam my new small company ni hehe. Nak jual jugak, so aku yang kena try dulu. Kalau dak, macam mana nak yakinkan orang kan? (Stop using MORA for 1 week, then apply that serum [benda ni jadi masa aku nak habis intern dalam bulan 3 tahun ni (2016)] . Lepas tu, naik jerawat kat dahi yang kalau picit tu dia keluar yg panjang-panjang warna putih tu. Supposedly tak picit, tapi aku sangat lah tak tahan dengan benda kecik-kecik kat dahi ni, lepas tu aku picit la. Laaaaaagi banyak uols! kat pipi, kat bibir, kat hidung! Ok that's skin breakouts! What to dooooo?!!

 Ni amik yang kat dahi je. Yang AFTER tu, lepas 2 minggu. Serious, taknak try jual benda lain selain MORA dah! Memang nak stick guna MORA dan jual MORA. Sebab nak share something yang memang berguna untuk rakyat sejagat =') Taknak la harm kan kulit orang kan. Nanti doa orang teraniaya makbul! Tak berjaya hidup ;p

So what I did for this past 2 weeks 

#1 
Wear face scrub. Setakat ni ada dua yang aku suka. Himalaya dengan St Ives. Since Himalaya tak boleh pakai hari-hari, aku pakai Himalaya Scrub tu 2 kali seminggu, St Ives ni setiap hari everytime nak amik wudhu. So 5 kali sehari.

Skin will turn red after that sebab aku gosok taknak bagi tempat lain naik pimples jugak. Nak bagi kering, and less opportunity for the bact to jump into another pores.

St Ives worth RM15 ++ can be found at watson.
Moraessential Argan can be found by whatsapp Miss Aily. Please visit her ig ;p
About to use the next bottle of this scrub! love it to the max! 

#2
Memang kulit akan jadi extra kering sebab supposedly scrub memang pakai 2 kali semingu jer. Tapi kat St Ives ni tulis boleh pakai hari-hari. So yakin lah sikit, even kalau nak ikut texture, St Ives lagi kasar dari Himalaya. Himalaya face scrub macam yogurt. 

Bila dah kering, I will apply MORAessential argan oil. So kulit boleh balance and neutral the pH. Lepas tu dah happppyyyy sebab Miss Pimples dah tak naik lagi! Pakai scrub after 2 weeks tu, (now) dah 2 kali/sekali sehari je. Dan kulit jadi smooth and lebih cerah! =)


So this is my soul. 
aci tak nak tulis visit my ig? Hehe
[link]

xoxo!

09 June 2016

My final year Journey : Proposal submitted


 Assalamualaikum!

This is the first week after my internship. Looking forward for my FYP. Try to make flatlay with all the journals (Usually people doing it for food! Instead, I'm trying to be rare here kofffff!) But until certain point... there are so many parts that can't be completed, so many problems, so many unbearable issues (But I bear with it finally!!) Alhamdulillah


It has been submitted, a day before the deadline. After turnitin check..and that unbearable moment feel like....relieved =D


At first, I got 0% and my lecturer said.....it can't be like this and that bla bla...(I feel like need to do it again) But after few minutes, the exact result is out. She refreshed it until 3 times! And I got 8%. Well it supposedly within 10%, at least ada la jugak. (Must be less than 30% so that it can't be claimed as plagiarism) 

Today still got final test (Still got 2 tests for Biomolelecules and Biostatistics before my final exam next 2 weeks Zzzzz), In syaa Allah, I will try my best to share how to make proposal/thesis that have least plagiarism when it been tested in turnitin okeh! Sebab my friend got 60% and at first need to alter it (Tomorrow(today) is the deadline!)  because this turnitin....it doesn't have any compromise, even one word pon nak amik kira.









08 June 2016

My UTM internship

Sometimes, I'm being pessimist not to publish post regarding my work/studies in social medias. Precise, shy. I am not so good that have something to be proud of... I'm too shy to show what kind of world I'm living, I'm juggling with my hard work, struggling after begin my life back at 0, sort of...But since my juniors keep on whatsapp-ing me about my intern, so... I think I will told them to google it by themselves. Because I got problem with my hp, my battery die so fast! Well I'm techno freak =( (I'm sorry in advance for late answer!) - This post also was made after I submitted my report & present my intern project Hihikkk

Ok make it simple, let's start!

First, How's Institute Bioprocess Dev (IBD) in UTM? My answer is.......It's fun! (Yeah at first I was bored reading so many journals) But after 1 week in Microbe lab, I fell in love with that place, I understand why I need to read journals at first. Because I can't do anything without knowledge! Things that I've learned in U is so different with all the technologies outside there. Even though I have no experience in engineering studies, suddenly I want to be an engineer there. It's possible! Because my supervisor and few research officer there were having same degree as me! Yyeyeh. That's encourage me to further my studies *wink*

Oh forgot, there are 3 labs in IBD. Cosmetic lab which smells so good like mint chewing gum sometimes smell like herbs which is located at the upper floor, in the middle, have plant/tissue culture (I'm not really sure) which is main floor also place where all the researcher officer's offices located and at the last floor (Bawah tanah uols!) is our microbe and mushroom lab which smell so bad especially when they run the bioreactor. And I was assigned in Microbe lab.

 Me with extra noooourr sebab paneh ;D
Bacteria said...FOOODDDD 


 One of my work station. Even I said it has foul smell, but don't worry because all the labs are air-conditioned areas.

What I am work for. Growing a bact!! Well exposed with so many bact actually. Yang ni non pathogenic. Yang pathogenic (Bahaya) macam E.coli, Salmonella, Candida spp. (In case my sv or any Bio lect read it need to be italic. kikiki) Pun ada. Lepas exposed dengan those patho microbe, everything include lab coat wajibunghunnah masuk dalam vanish dengan dettol hehe

Bact counting! It has teettt teett sound everytime I touch it. And I got excited....

Preparing agar/broth from 0! 

I am so lucky because during that time, I'm the only intern (other few students arrived after few weeks) So I was placed with all the Master and PHD students. This is bilik teratai (Room inside here named based on  the name of flowers) which usually used by students to write thesis, reading journal or rest. Well everyone inside here really encouraged me to further my studies! I always fall asleep here because it is so cool Zzzzz (air condition area too!!)  


Well, aaalll mine :D

'Food' for our bacterias! (Agar & Broth)

Ade surau! But I don't take picture of it. Instead I took the picthah of slippers Zzzzzz surau also air conditioned area anddd a good place to sleep too! Kikiki

Plus ada library jugak but also forgot to take picture. Because it is not included in my work to *giggling*

Also, the toilet (Siapa yang always concern pasal toilet sep sikit!) sangat wangi okeh. Cuci/sabun semua guna serai wangi that they made from their research here. Bau chewing gummm sedappp!!


Just wanna tell you, in UTM there's pasar every tuesday. Ada macam macam makanan dari Utara,Pantai Timoq, Selatan like this from Kedah woott woott (I don't remember the name ;p) ada sushi, nasi kerabu, nasi dagang, memacam la yang menggoda jiwa dan raga hahaha

Well because of that I gained lots of kgs during intern. (refer first picture, my pou cheeks LOL)

Overall everything makes me excited during my intern. The work place, the peoples, everyone is kind and so humble Y know! Even though they have master/prof/phd! Inspired me some more!!


Well this is my intern poster in case you wanna some ideas. I am techno freak remember? So I don't know how to use publisher Zzzzz berejam aku godeh tapi hasil takdakk. So I made this online at 3 am =')
This is the link, it's easy to use! Sebab dah ada siap boleh pilih size kita nak, allign, template, we can upload our own background, insert pictures, editing tools anddd most important tak pecah/mengecik bila print like some of my friends that make it using publisher. Absolutely much easier than Photoshop or gif. Because I don't know how to use neither both of the software . When I said it is easy peasyyy I really mean it ;")
[Canva link]

XOXO
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