Today I went to a wedding. Frankly speak, deep inside my heart, I don't really like wedding. I love it, from afar. I love to see happy faces etc. But for me to be in crowd of the wedding, 😥😥😥
And to imagine that I'm the bride is a nightmare. Yes, I'm 22 (soon to be 23) I don't have anyone when my friends already had their sayang bee you me us but me, I don't even care because I enjoy with this kind of life.
Yeah sometimes I feel lonely, but then to build some trust for someone to take care of me, is too cheesy. I don't hv that trust since I don't grow with any man that I can trust. I feel awkward when having any other men as family (like new pakciks of my aunts or else) omg it's so awkward. There are some unwanted feelings that I can't name what it is.
I always afraid that if I don't hv any desire to get married. I wish I can forget my past. The painful one. Which even when I try to forgive, I still have that pain.
Ya Rabb, forgive me. To be that kind of human. It's so hard for me to forget. Like roll of movies replay in my mind. ☹