13 November 2016


He is so sweet.

The moment I fell in love with him is the best moment I ever feel. I grown up with that love. He mesmerised me with the qualities inside him that I can't find even when I met thousand guys. He managed to trigger that feelings of love and prosperity inside me. I became so ambitious everytime I think of that love.

Unfortunately, I don't have any strength to tell him. It just some feeling that make me wake up everyday to be better lady until one day he can see me, love me, just like I did.

But then, as I make a good plan, Allah s.w.t has better plan for me. He knows that I will never love myself when I'm with him. I'm too eager to be someone that he can love, instead of just love myself and let he love me as who I am.

After 7 years, Allah s.w.t let me hold that love, shower that love with so many doas. He took that from me. I accept his wedding invitation with his own choice. What'd I feel? Of course it's hurt. Like my heart was sliced & chopped  (kalau chicken chop sedap jugak 😥)

But after few days, I sat on my knees, pray, turn to Him, asked for His strength, so that I can smile again. My smile also, feel so bitter you know... 🤐

Now I know. He didn't took him just to bring me down. He knows, that if he let me be by myself all this while, I can't be THIS strong, positive & ambitious. I can't dream anymore. So, He lend me this love so that I can feel that I still have another dream to carry on. I can be better than who am I before. But when Allah s.w.t know that I'm already strong to walk by my own, He took him so that this guy, can shine other lady's life. That need him, more than me.

At first, I think I'm not ready for this. I'm not ready to walk this life all alone. No dream of someone that can accompany me, no dream of someone that can make my heart palpitate out of nowhere, no love that can shine my smile. But then, I realised, all this while, this love that He sent, bring me to Him. I get to know Allah s.w.t trough this love. I start to love Allah s.w.t when I feel this warm feeling.

Since Allah already prepared His love for me, how come I can fall again like before? I still have His love, His promises. So I turn to Him.

It is hard, but I decided to go to his wedding. I thanked to Allah s.w.t for my 7 years of loving him. I thanked to Allah s.w.t that he finally found someone that can take care of him and his family, better than me.

This is not easy, I swear. But Allah has granted me with so many blessings. I can't turn back, because Allah's love is more than everything in this life. I trust that Allah has created someone that also struggle so hard to be near to HIM. ❤