Relieved.
Obviously I am not ready for the big thing to happen in my life. I am still with so many perceptions about relationship, no matter how sometimes, when I see the sweetness of couples or marriages, I want to feel it too. But, maybe....I still need some time to live my own life, to achieve my own dreams, and create wonderful colors of my own world.
Maybe....I still need to study a lot of being a good wife, on how to agree with my husband's thought w/o arguing, I still need to learn how to be an obedient young lady, not to be selfish and on preparing his needs. Obviously marriage is not only from one person's preparation into 'make it two'. It is more than that! (Or me that always overthinking of it? idk)
Seeing other people's marriages on instagram/fb is not a reason for me to build one. Of course they won't share the moment they're arguing on how to give and take in marriage's life. How to share food portions, argue about what kind of tv shows they want to watch and when the husband cheats in doing house chores. (Now I think, I really overthinking of it Zzzz)
So when I don't need to get married just because I really want to go to Tanah Haram, I just feel so grateful. Now I can smile after one day been so stressed out until I got migraine again just because I think the end of my life when I need to get married. It's not because I don't want to get married, it's not the time yet. I just...feel like that.
Obviously, when I easily burnt out (getting migraine) of just think about this silly thing (Yeah, who else afraid to get married other than me in my clans? It is just me.) how can I begin the next phase of my life, prepare food, doing house chores, prepare clothes for two/three/four other than mine? (Alasan bcs all this while I am the one that preparing everything for my family members. From house chores (If not why everyone else called me bibik from Uni? But I don't care bcs I really enjoy doing house chores!), ironing clothes, packing for holiday etc.
But, maybe, I really not ready yet.
Except, if the one and only tu, can accept my weakness that I can be a hulk when I got migraine. And right now, the Mr. migraine is one of my best accompany LOL