13 November 2016

Weight to bear

People asking me, why you lose so much weight? Why you're getting smaller when everyone is getting bigger?

Some pain, it's just to hard to bear. It's hard to change the pain into happiness. But when I force myself to be happy, my inner strength can't really cope because when I'm all alone, talking with my Lord, I know that I'm not that strong. I'm weak. Dunya is too hard. But yeah, I still want to appreciate every moment so that I didn't regret when it passed.

I know that Allah tested me with something that I can bear. How hard it is. But for every hardbreak, when I passed it, I feel like, I want to be someone else. I want to look different so that people can't recognize me and remind me about my past. 

I want to create 'better me' in people's eyes. I want to be someone new than 'the old me'. I don't care how hard it is to damp down my heartbreak moments. I want to look different. 

So, here I am. Losing my weight from 66kgs to 47kgs (1 month ago. Idk I'm losing how many kgs for this few weeks) Until I can't buy any 'free size' attire anymore. It became so big for me πŸ€”

Fyi, I've been granted by Allah s.w.t to be someone that can't recognize people's face if I didn't meet them for such a long time or when I met them for only few times. I just can't remember faces. So, it's easy for me to move on another step in my life. ( Please don't judge me if you meet me out there, and I can't even remember your face. I just can't πŸ™.  But I remember moments. If you recall my memories, I still can remember that πŸ€—. So tegur je, maybe I tak cam muka. But memories, will never fade. In syaa Allah)

Few weeks ago, I went to the court, and my relatives also can't remember my face as I'm losing so much weight. You know what? I feel happy! Because I just, don't want to remember how hard it is the moment I need to survive all alone, and they're just leave me like I'm no one to them. Yes. I walked away from their life, and create my own new life. 🌈

Know what? Sometimes you just need to make a move and leave people that don't appreciate your presence. Create your own future. Make new clans. Who can still 'see' you when you don't have anything to be proud of.

Don't worry. I'm losing my weight with the right diet & healthy lifestyle. I want to value myself, why should I touture the body that Allah gave to me? I just want to do something that can make me happy. πŸ’–