It's final year!

Assalamualaikum :)

It's final year already, and Alhamdulillah now busy for my final year project & another 7 subjects filled in my schedule. Toodles! 8 subject uols this sem. Credit hours pun sampai 25. And everything is new for me. Biomolecule, Biostatistics, P. Physio, and few business subjects. All for my FYP thesis. I feel like, In syaa Allah, In syaa Allah, In syaa Allah I can do it. Istighfar bebanyak bila tengok subject yang amik sem ni. Huhuhu (well, as an average student, I depend on Allah a lot to help me with His kindness)

Right before my internship finished, Kak Linda told me, "once you graduated, call me we can discuss about your Master project under UTM."

Buat Master under UTM plus jadi research assistant is quite interesting. Kira macam kerja sambil belajar. Kau buat project UTM tapi kau buat master. Duit dapat, certificate Master pun dapat. Tak la banyak macam full time kerja. Tapi, rasanya Alhamdulillah kut, knowledge kan uncounted blessings.

You know, my journey for this past 6 years is so long. Since we lost our home, upside down in my family, I need to let go my medic course ( Ni part paling frust menonggeng sekali sebab dah amik entrance exam + interview dah pass tinggal nak pergi je sobs ) ,  My UMK life for one year, and now as a Biology student, struggling so hard to graduate on time. And soon, In syaa Allah next year will do my Master. Kadang-kadang penat jugak sebab dalam 6 ke 7 tahun terdekat ni, banyak ajar aku untuk jadi dewasa. Untuk hidup, untuk tak terlalu berharap pada hidup, tapi percaya yang hidup tu pemberian. Allah beri kita ambil, Allah ambil, kita kena tahu yang dia nak kita selalu yakin dengan DIA. Nak kita bersujud balik dengan DIA sang pemberi.

So, for this final year,

May Allah ease. Another 10 months to go.

A birthday wish

On his birthday, I wish


May happiness is around you and your family, dunya & hereafter.
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And me is Happiness.
Thank you hahahaahahahah

How's my internship

Assalamualaikum

How's my intern? I am doin' my intern at Institute of Bioprosesing development UTM. First time calling myself an engineer researcher, make my self confidence fly up high! (As I have low confidence since my parents got divorced Huhu)

Alhamdulillah, Allah bring me here at last minute time. I still don't get my intern place until my last week of final exam. Lepas tu gelababah sensorang sebab orang lain semua dah dapat zobz (I got at HUKM and UPM but it's too far! So I re-apply again at UTM so that I can go back to my hometown ehehe)

But theeen, my hardwork, my upside down life for past few years, have been paid by Allah, I got place not only for my intern, but also my Final Year Project, and my master Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah, and In syaa Allah might be my place to work too. Allahu, He knows best Allahu I feel so small when He gives me so much happiness, out of everything had happened.

There are so many inspired person here. Been talked with my supervisors (I have Kak Ina and Kak Linda worked under Prof Sham, they are so humble Masya Allah) about this, and it seems, Allah have so many reasons to bring me here, to put me far from my dreams, to work at hosp.

Here, I am doing some microbial engineering stuffs that make me feel so excited to explore the unseen world. Doing so many things that make me forgot how I face my old life. Encourage me doing more and more so that I can see the happiness in me.

Allah is the best planner.
Thank you, Allah.
Thank you.

My tips : Put Allah First in what you do. In everything you want to do, may He is the reason you want to do those things. Please Him, and put trust on Him. For every path it takes that will bring us toward Him. May Allah bless 

17 /1/2016

I believe in Doa. A LOT. Allah is Al-Mujeeb, we believe with certainty.

Even sometimes, I feel like I am asking Allah for ridiculous things. I talk to Him like, He is in front of me. Oh yes, He is always with us, it just we can't see Him. But I just feel like I am doing pillow talk, I tell Him everything, like today what I feel. Like, Ya Allah I am tired, Like Ya Allah today is a funny day, that we got something happening in our class etc.

Usually, I didn't tell people what I asked from Allah. Because it's between us. Me and Him. But today, I feel like asking something that I'd never think of it, that I think is it sinful for me to ask this from Him?

I said,

Ya Allah, let me forget everything about him. Let me forget everything like, all those memories about him. Let me forget my childhood memories. Let me forget that I knew him, once. Let me forget all the painful things etc.

I feel, sinful. But I am tired already. Waiting for him is just like waiting for the stars to fall in front of me.

I realized, that he uses me, my weakness that I respect him as my father, to release himself from the problem he created. For everything. I never tell my relatives, I am the one who first get to know that he is dating with another lady. I am the first one he scold when I told him what I know. I never tell our relatives, because I love him. I love our family so much. But then, he told to the relatives that I am the one who did this and that, When I didn't excel for my SPM, and he tells our relatives that I am not good enough (But he is the one who proud when I get straight As for my PMR), Masya Allah, you can't imagine how hurt it is, when someone that you wish to be proud of you, to save you from dunya, to stay with you if anything happen, to defend you in front of others, doing this. He killed my dreams to be a doctor, he said, don't dream high if you can't achieve it. I am not only dreaming. I struggled for it, but he ruins it with what he called, his happiness .He said, Mama is the one who should be blamed for, and yet  I still hope that he will change, and realize all of this begin from him. All the relatives, seems hate us now. And All I can do is, smiling. Can you imagine, how hurt it is?

I know, Allah send this calamities because He knows I can bear with it.

I tried.

But then, I just want to walk another road. I want to release him. From my mind, from my heart. I want to forget everything. Can I?

Men outside there, woman's heart is soft. But she can bear with all the painful things you give. She can give you like trillion chances. But when she stop doing that, that means, you're above the limit. You may see, all she can do is crying over the same thing like trillion times. You may say it is her weakness. But, for god sake, as a woman, we are stronger than you.